Bear with me,
I will get to the story eventually. Many, many years ago when I was earning my living with motor cars or bits thereof I knew an engine tuning expert called Ronnie Ernstone. We were both young so we got up to various mischief. Ronnie was probably the ugliest man I had ever met, short, podgy, bald and with bulging eyes like Marty Feldman.
But he had such a way with words that he could charm the birds out of the trees or girls/women out of their knickers. He was married with two children, but he had an eye for the ladies and the trouble he got in to and that I sometimes rescued him from was a regular feature. Last I heard, he was divorced,twice, and running a car race team in Europe.

Anyway, that is not the story

One evening I visited his home and he was sitting with one David Patrick Griffin, as Ronnie looked after his Daimler Sovereign car. I at once recognised Dave Lee Travis. Ronnie introduced Dave and I just said ' hello Dave ' as I thought it would be amusing to pretend I had no idea who he was. As the conversation continued D.L.T started to become exasperated that I did not know him. He started dropping multiple hints that became ever less subtle finally saying ' actually I make up most of the jokes that BLACKBURN tells '. I just said ' that's nice, anyway, goodbye Dave '.

First thing in the morning Ernstone called me saying ' that was Dave Lee bloody Travis ' and I said that I was well aware but did not want to feed his massive ego. How can you take a person seriously who says ' I'm the Hairy Cornflake ' or some sweet old geriatric who says ' hello I'm Cardboard Shoes '.

Eventually it is time to act your age.

PM.