. Begin Your Journey .: I can't win

Why does it seem that once you find the perfect girl, something bad always happens, and you’re left lonelier than you were before? You don’t think it’s possible? Imagine you’re alone. For a very long time. And then, suddenly, someone comes into your life and fills it, makes you feel loved, wanted, needed. And then they’re gone. No warning, no note; just gone. Yeah, you know you would feel worse than you did before. You don’t know if you did something wrong, or if she never loved you at all, or if maybe, just maybe, she was never real – just something conjured up from your lonely mind. Yep. Some of us just seem destined to walk through life alone. Oh sure, you’ll have your smattering of friends, but never a true friend; never a love that stays. It’s heartbreaking, really, but then again, you can’t feel pain when it’s all you’ve ever known, right?

Maybe it’s because my mother named me Lovesbane. Let’s break it down, shall we? “Love.” The universal language. An amazing feeling to those who have had it. And “Bane.” The destroyer, the hex, the horrid thing. Put them together? What a crazy mare my mother must have been. Lovesbane. And I have suffered with that name for many, many long years. But I still can’t bring myself to hate her, even though she cursed me to a single life. I suppose I should be glad – you know – having all the one-night-stands that I want; but for some reason, that doesn’t make me happy. All I want in life is one mare that’ll stay with me through the test of time. Nothing more, nothing less. But I’m doomed.

And so I walk through this world alone, wandering aimlessly, going where the elements tell me. The stream tells me to go to the sea; the wind says go to the cliffs; the earth says go wherever my heart tells me, and the fire tells me to find safety. But I fear none of them. Is that wrong? Are we supposed to fear the elements that have entwined themselves in our lives? Somehow, I don’t see how that would be reasonable, but then again, maybe that’s just me. I’m sure that somewhere, there’s a sensible horse that fears the things they don’t understand. Me? Naw. I fear nothing.

Oh well.

And so, I come to a halt at a crossroads, of sorts. Somewhere between a few choices, and yet, I don’t feel harried or hurried to make a decision. I close my chocolate eyes and feel the wind pick up, hear the stream gurgling something; and I know that my choice will be made evident. In these moments before my life is to change, I feel the warm sun upon my red body, the breeze caressing my lithe figure, the earth beneath my hooves, the stream as it calls to me. Yes, this is, perhaps, the perfect moment. I smile and silently call out to the elementals. Come; tell me my destiny!