Posted by Cheeze on November 6, 2009, 12:44 pm, in reply to "Hey Cheese"
How to Tell If You're a Dry Drunk
Awakening
Sometimes when people have been sober for awhile or haven't had a spiritual awakening within a 12-step program they can fall into what is called being "a dry drunk."
This term is defined as a person who is still very angry, immature, overreactive, over-sensitive; someone who doesn't take responsibility even after being sober, who still indulges in other addictions with the rationalization that even though they're not drinking, it's okay to do these other things. (Source: Bob Morris).
This definition is not carved in stone and more can be added to it depending on the person. (Source: Martha White).
Another way a dry drunk can be defined is by their attitude toward others, particularly authority and/or family. They can be unhappy about their sobriety, about the fact that they cannot drink any longer. They may lash out at others in frustration when in the past they would drink "at" these people. They might sound good in AA meetings but their actions say otherwise. They may continue to bounce checks, for example, still trying to run their own life instead of turning it over to a Higher Power. (Source: Mary Horton).
You may often hear someone who is a dry drunk lecture chronic relapsers in an angry tone and try to make them feel bad about their slips when in reality the dry drunk is a bit envious that they themselves cannot drink. (Source: Beaches Group).
Sometimes you will witness a dry drunk go on a spending spree in response to getting fired, for example. They rationalize that they know they can't drink, but they can go buy themselves something they feel they deserve. They do this so they don't have to deal with the problem of why they got fired in the first place. Thus the cycle of dry-drunkenness continues.
life but they don't drink. However, you will think they're drinking based on their outlandish behavior, be it becoming a prostitute in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, getting arrested for fighting, shoplifting, having more wrecks in sobriety than they did drinking, job hopping, developing a gambling addiction, or stealing from their friends and families.
It is not uncommon for a dry drunk to develop many resentments against others, especially those trying to help them - then not do anything about it. They may sink further and further into depression and wallow in this messy bog getting a perverse pleasure out of it. (Source: AA).
What the dry drunk wants more than anything is some kind of relief and they think that it will come in the form of a drink but they may or may not admit it. They may try everything but drinking in hopes of getting that relief but it does not come until they humble themselves again and get into working the 12 Steps of AA in their life.
Dry drunks have typically not finished making amends and are not engaged every day in doing something different to make theirs and others' lives better. They feel their lives are unfair and have no gratitude for their newfound sobriety. But this also applies to some who may have multiple years of sobriety.
Often times you will hear people in the fellowship of AA say about these people, "He's just a dry drunk. I don't want what he has."
What they mean by the latter statement is that the dry drunk doesn't have any goodness to transmit to newcomers in the program because he is caught up in the problem instead of the solution.
There are tools that can help a person get out of being a dry drunk. Doing another 4th step with a sponsor, starting or continuing to do a 10th step every night, working on amends, increasing meetings, getting on medication if needed for clinical depression or bipolar disorder if untreated, journaling, increasing prayer, seeking therapy if not in it already, starting or continuing meditation, and doing some sort of service work daily.
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