[ Post a Response | Desreal ]
Posted by n a c h t on December 2, 2008, 11:47 pm, in reply to "to my beloved Nacht;"
172.129.167.73
She remembers that day clearly, so long ago - it had been cool, like today, the air faintly touched with the last vestiges of winter. She could smell (in her mind's eye) everything as clearly as if she had been there; when she exhales softly against his skin, she shared the faint scent of crushed pine, crisp air, and the metallic tang of blood. Nacht remembers; she can never forget.
"They lie," she says simply, and her voice is cold.
It was more than defying orders, her eyes smolder; in their charcoal depths is a burning coal of fury and hatred and the bitterness of defeat.
"That day, the day I went to kill him" (she doesn't use a name; she doesn't have to, because he'll know, even with being in the dark about it all this time. He's the Albino, the only one who knows her better than she knows herself) "it was cold, like today. And I went into the forest, like I was instructed; there, I laid in wait. I stayed there for hours, love, taunt as a drum, because they promised he was coming my way." A pause. "I waited, and watched, and listened. Day bled into night. Finally," she continues, her eyes closed as she rests her head against his back (he'll see her ruse for what it is, but she can't bear to watch him as she finishes her tale; "I heard footsteps. They were awkward, like they said he'd sound like. Usually, they let us scout our targets, right? Well. This time, I was not allowed. 'Request denied,' they said, as if I had asked to mingle with the littlies and torment them with my scars and my killer's mind."
He knows what's coming.
"I leapt first, asked questions later. I had been waiting for hours; I could not wait longer. I sprang, and my target bled, screamed, begged. And died, as they all do, and it wasn't until the fury faded and They came that I saw what I had done."
Her breath hitches and she shudders against his broad side, all scarred tissue and lean muscle; she remembers the clarity that came after the fury then, the hours of waiting piled into one slim, tightly wound mare who had been played like a piano. Nacht turns her face away, and if he feels her tears, her guilt, her shame, she does not seem to care. For months she's tried to purge her guilt, and for months she's failed; now, she doesn't feel clean (because she's commited a sin, broken every law of the training written on every line of her body), but she feels better.
"It wasn't him, love. It was a child, a tiny, perfect child; she looked like us, like the perfect blend of you and I, and I broke her. I shattered every bone in her fragile little body, tore her to bits and left them all over the forest floor." Her breathing hitches again and she draws a ragged breath, remembering all too clearly a day not long before her failure, a day where she had stood quiet and alone in a clearing, staring in shock and horror at the tiny bloody thing that had been inside her and wasn't anymore. She hadn't even known she was pregnant; she'd noticed she had rounded out a little, but since she had still been young, it wasn't surprising, not really. But there had been pain that morning, rough cramps in her abdomen that radiated pain and left her feeling empty with miscarriage.
Nacht had never told anyone of it; she has suspected the Albino knew, of course, when she returned from the mission she'd had that day hollow-eyed and blank, but she'd never told anyone.
"They lied to me," she states matter-of-factly; "it was a trap, you know. They never intended to have him killed. It was treason, and I knew it when I was assigned, but I didn't question them. Their hold was shaky even then; I doubt they would have any control left anymore." Nacht has control again; she steadies, reassured with his solid warmth. She always felt a little too much like a shadow, a wraith, when he wasn't around. "I couldn't see you - they knew I would tell you everything, every word; the lies, the treason, the treachery. Did you know who I was sent to kill?" she asks, knowing the answer - her superiors had made sure she could tell no one who she was assigned, had made sure no one knew - the Element wasn't the only place with otherworldly power.
"So they forced me out. Threatened your life if I returned, which is why I went, the only reason," she tells him, a hint of desperation in her tone, as if afraid he won't believe her. "Spread lies, rumors, petty things that weren't true."
She nuzzles against his neck, feeling lighter, somehow.
"I missed you."
I had to go, for your sake.
I was always faithful.
I love you.
sell your soul to me; let it radiate your light.
i'll hold you down long enough so you can't fight.4
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