[ Post a Response | Desreal ]
Posted by * aitvaras on December 2, 2008, 8:28 pm, in reply to "what you are; Saphira"
70.72.195.66
Can you tell sense from insanity?
I had been away again.
I had been away from the Element and I had wanted to stay away. Far away. So far that the memories would one day fade back into darkness and that I would forget him. Forget all that I had known here and everything that could have been. I wanted so desperately to go back to who I had been before. Back to who I was. Back to being free.
But anyone who has ever dwelled here knows how difficult it is to truly leave. Once you have lived amongst the elementals, once you have tasted the seductive elixir of their power, it is impossible to forsake them entirely. The Element becomes a part of you, it nestles itself deeply in your soul and steals away with a part of you. It is the cruelest of fates for a creature like me, a creature who values freedom above all things. Being shackled to this place is excruciating. Only when I am here do I feel wholly complete.
Only when I am here do I feel fear. It hurts, this being afraid… this irreconcilable division of heart and soul and body. I hate it.
Not that I intend to feel like this for long way. I had told myself that this would be a short visit; that I would only walk through Desreal and be gone again. Feel the sweet pulse of power, let it fill the emptiness, then renounce it again. I had promised myself that this would be the last time, that this would end today.
Easier said than done, as I had swiftly come to realize. I had been here for hours now, clothed in shadows as I wandered, wraithlike, amongst the trees. Watching. Waiting. I can smell him, faint but alluring, with each gentle gust of wind. I am still in denial that I am looking for him. I could never concede to this irrational desire to see him again without admitting to something even more fundamental. I’m not ready for that.
But then again, it always seems that the things you aren’t ready for are the things you are forced to face. I had learned that long ago, but sometimes it is the simplest of lessons that are the easiest to forget. Or rather, maybe it is the simplest of lessons that are the hardest learned. Either way, fate sometimes has a really nasty way of biting you in the ass.
As I emerged from the trees into a small clearing, weaving my way deftly between the deadfall and low slung branches, Centurion’s scent hit me like a sledgehammer. It was different somehow. Different in a way that had little to do with the acrid odor of sweat and blood that had tainted it. I didn’t understand. Even as I tilted my head so that he emerged from beneath the azure shroud of my blindness, I couldn’t understand.
I watched him as he touched her, consumed by a rather morbid sense of curiosity mingled with despair. Sensibility told me that I should leave. Leave now, before I could bring myself to understand…because it is the things that you understand are so much harder to relegate to dreams.
Once upon a time I might have claimed to understand Centurion, but those days are long since gone. This is no longer the friend I once knew. I had lost him long ago, but it wasn’t until now that I could truly bring myself to morn that loss.
beneath the surface, a dragon dwells
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