Battle School: I prefer cowboys and indians.

[OOC] Sorry about being a jerk and only replying OOC, but I really should be studying and I just wanted to get a quick reply up for you anyway since you have a fight in the works!

I have a couple points to make: firstly, you have disregarded the counterattack that Ulaume made in slamming her shoulder into Alptraum’s face when she tried to bite her. Even though it may not really affect the rest of Alptraum’s attacks, you have to acknowledge every attack/all damage you take, or judges will mark you down for it. So just remember to make a note of damage she would have taken in this instance, put that in your post, maybe show how it affects her but doesn’t affect her attacks etc (although in this case it is possible that it might slow her down or something… a blow to the head, you know?)

Also, I’ll advise you to explain things just a little more clearly: when you say “She was then unbalanced and forced to return to all fours to keep from completely tipping over” right after referring to the damage she took to the cannon, it sounds as though that was why she unbalanced. So just remember to figure your opponent’s (in this case Ulaume’s) actions into your own post. Even something as little as “When Ulaume pushed into her, she was then unbalanced… etc” would be enough to make that clearer!
Adding things in like this also helps out with the timing of your post, because as it stands it sounds like she gets unbalanced right after her cannon is hit, but in reality it would have been after the cannon attack, after the short break while Alptraum circles, after her own second attack on Ulaume, and then it would have happened during Ulaume’s defence of that attack. I guess what I’m trying to say is… try and flesh your post out a bit, to give a sort of timeline of actions so that the judge can see how you are acting in relation to your opponent’s actions and decide whether you had time to do what you did/whether it all works out together =)

My next critique is that you ignored Ulaume’s second attack (when she tries to smack down on Alptraum’s hip). Ignoring attacks in your post is a big no no and a judge will definitely mark you down for it! So when you’re righting your replies, just remember to go through it after you’re done and check to make sure you’ve responded to all the attacks and taken some reasonable damage for them, to make sure you don’t miss any =)

You first attack in this post is a pretty good one, however you neglected to mention the damage you’ve taken to your cannon bone from Ulaume’s first attack! If she’s just taken a knock as hard as it sounds like she did, she’s not going to be so keen to fling herself into a canter on that sore leg, and even if you want to have her ignore the pain and continue with that attack, you have to remember to mention that thought process in your post, and say something about her feeling the pain of her injured leg, but pushing through it, or something like that… Or even that her canter is slower than she would have preferred because of her injured leg – something along those lines =) Also, if you’d taken damage for Ulie’s second attack, she might have injured her hip or hindquarters somehow, making an attack like this not quite as effective as she may have lost some power in her hindquarters (where she would have been driving from) from the injury there.

I noticed you took Ulie’s advice about not assuming she would be stationary, and looking for movements, but just remember that she may be moving anyway, so it’s probably not a good idea to say that Alptraum doesn’t see her moving or something like that because it could get you marked down. But that’s good that you still took it into consideration! =)

Her second attack is also good, but also would lose its effectiveness for the same reasons that I said for her first attack – her injuries would impede her… Otherwise, it’s a pretty good idea. Just remember to pick your attacks with your injuries in mind, and choose the best ones that can cause the most damage anyway, and not just ignore the injuries/damage. Although, striking out while charging? That doesn’t sound like it will quite work. If you have changed that to striking out after her charge/once they’d collided or something along those lines, that would be much better and much more realistic =) In this attack, also, you come pretty close to incorporating 2 attacks in 1 which is only allowed at bronze level with a combo ability. I realise that you probably didn’t intend the first part where she charges into her shoulder as an actual attack, only the strike with her forehoof, so just remember to somehow let the judge/your opponent know that no damage was intended from the charge and that it was only a distraction or some zazz like that =p

Finally, good girl for mentioning her injured foreleg at the end, however just remember to keep it in mind throughout the whole post and all her actions – just mentioning it at the end won’t get you the marks if you ignore it for the rest of the post. But it’s good that you mentioned it there anyway!

Sorry about the essay! I know it’s probably a lot to take in! You’re off to a good start, you just need to remember to flesh out your post a bit to get the timings right, and recheck what you’ve written against what you’re replying to, to make sure you haven’t missed any attacks or ignored any damage.
Once you’ve got that sorted, you’re away!!

Good luck with your fight! Kick some butt ;] [/OOC]