Posted by Ulaume on October 27, 2008, 1:42 am, in reply to "Onward to Battle!" ULAUME
121.98.168.46

As Alptraum begins to circle, steps slow, Ulaume watches her closely with wide dark eyes. She follows her, with careful, nimble steps, her rough dark hooves sinking through the thin crust of earth to the sticky mud beneath, never letting the larger mare get behind her, but instead pacing her easily, her dark eye trained to the movements of her thick legs, and the subtle nuance of muscle and eye. When Alptraum twists her massive frame to close upon Ulaume, bared teeth reaching for her mottled shoulder, Ulaume lets her come, tensing her muscular hindquarters for an instant before surging forward in a sudden burst of speed to smash, it can only be hoped, the thick bone of her shoulder into Alptraum’s straining teeth and mouth in an abrupt counter attack, to crush and bruise, feeling her blunt teeth scrape against her skin in rough graze – removing hair but not skin. She lets her burst of momentum carry her up, and then strikes out cobra-like, her cracked hoof biting out at one of Alptraum’s forelegs which would have extended forward in her lunge, to crack against bone or muscle, cannon or knee.
As Alptraum draws back, Ulaume speaks, the barest gasp of exertion coloring her words.
“While there was power behind your attack, Alptraum, I caution you against using your teeth as a main attack – particularly your first attack. If this were a true battle in the Blitzkrieg, you would have only two chances and a biting attack would be wasted. Our teeth are not shaped to tear flesh, and can at best graze and bruise upon places such as the shoulder or barrel. Once you have gained your bronze, perhaps you might use such an attack as a combo, but otherwise I would advise you to try other, more potent assaults – they are more likely to damage.”
She falls silent as the mare circles about to come at her again. Her athletic frame coiled tightly, full of the potential energy of withheld motion, Ulaume follows her movements with short high steps. When she gathers her body to rear up at Ulaume’s nimbus-strewn side, striking out with her broad black hooves, Ulaume turns her nimble frame to meet her on-coming student, exploding upward in a burst of speed to meet her – her weight thrown back onto haunches supported by her broad hooves sunk deep into the mucky earth. Ulaume’s abrupt turn means that she cannot meet her head-on, and one black hoof still falls against her dappled barrel, catching in her thick and tangled mane as it tumbles across her back and side, smacking a glancing blow with a muffled, yet jarring impact. It scrapes down her sleek torso, grazing through the fine hairs that line her skin, and as Ulaume’s sudden rear throws Alptraum’s attack out-of-kilter, she also throws herself sideways, into Alptraum’s muscular frame, in an attempt to knock her firmly off balance – an attempt to make her slip or stumble; stagger and, perhaps, fall? – and certainly to ensure that the other hoof cannot land upon her torso. Her hind legs had been slightly splayed, to absorb the change in balance as she threw herself sideways, leaning the majority of her weight upon her right side, supporting herself for an instant against Alptraum’s side, but still keeping her left hind hoof in contact with the ground. Now she pushes off with her hind legs, in something like a mangled courbette – a shallow hop – landing with realigned balance and allowing her to punch forcibly down at Alptraum’s hip with her closer forehoof, pushing all of her weight into a punishing blow - which seeks to crack and crush upon the bone or surrounding flesh – as she returns herself to the earth.
Pulling away, Ulaume stretches out her side where it had been hit, feeling the pain of the scrape tighten and moan, but drinking deeply of the delicate agony and she forces it to its fullest extent and then lets it relax, as she nods passingly to her pupil.
“That second attack was much better, but there was no force behind it! You will want to attack with power and might, to cause as much damage as you can – in case things don’t go as you planned. That way, you will always cause at least some damage to you opponent and hopefully it will be a lot! You have a large frame, and a lot of power behind you, so I advise you to use it wisely! Put all your strength behind your attacks and they will cause considerably more damage than if you merely seek to cause discomfort. Instead, seek to injure!” Ulaume’s eyes are bright with a feverish light as she speaks, her husky voice raised with the excitement of the fight, but also with the passion of the lesson. She herself once learned it well, battering her svelte frame against the burly mountain that was her mother.
“And never, never assume that your opponent will simply stand and take your assaults! You must watch for every movement so that you can adjust yourself and your attacks accordingly.” She subsides with a gasp, coughing out a rough whicker of invitation for Alptraum to resume the fight.
shake for that which sinks but can’t drown
I have just a few notes to make.
Firstly, if Alptraum is Percheron/Friesian, that would make her a coldblood as she is draft/light draft. According to the terms of 5E a coldblood has high strength, low speed and low agility – which means you can write in a way that makes her attacks sound very powerful, but you can’t necessarily have her move too quickly or with a lot of agility – she’s not really the darting type, so to speak.
Though I realise you did try to justify this against her size (that whole “with surprising swiftness for something so large” bit) you have to take into account that even surprising swiftness, for a horse of her build/type, wouldn’t really be that swift. =)
Secondly, while I understand what you were trying to do with your second attack, by not making it seem like you’re powerplaying or anything, I think you down-played too much. You can avoid dictating damage, or stating exactly how your attack played out, without compromising so much power! If you take a read of my two attacks, I never actually said what happened/exactly how the attack played out, – just what I wanted to happen/hoped will happen – I left you space to decide how it all ends up but I still described how powerful I want the attack to seem.
Basically, you shouldn’t make your attack seem too weak, just as you shouldn’t make it seem too powerful or too definite. She’s a big girl and she can deliver a lot of punch! So let her! I guess that’s all for now :D Aside from what I’ve said here and IC, you’re off to a great start![/OOC]
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