Posted by THE ELEMENTALS on November 17, 2008, 8:58 pm, in reply to "No, dearest, I will see it in my reflection superimposed over your fresh spilt blood. [JUDGES]"
Message modified by board administrator November 18, 2008, 9:37 am
MAB
Attack 1REALISM: 5/5 POWER: 5/5 I like this attack; though common, you write it quite powerfully. TIMING: 5/5 No qualms; this seems plausible to me, though I'd like you to take into account what might happen if Saphira moves. CREATIVITY BONUS: +0 MAB
Attack 2REALISM: 3/5 -1 This attack feels very awkward to me. In order to get just one hind leg high enough to hit under the rib cage, she would have to buck fully - there's no way her other leg could just remain on the ground or raise up without kicking out too. -1 It's very difficult to hit a horse below the rib cage, at almost any angle. You will most likely hit her side, but nothing underbelly, as a kick like this is made more horizontally than vertically. POWER: 3/5 If Mab has stable footing on the snow, why not raise both hooves and try to deal twice the damage? TIMING: 5/5 You leave enough options open here that I feel this is appropriate. CREATIVITY BONUS: +0 SAPHIRA
Defense 1REALISM: 4/5 -1 Though I believe that with Saphira's experience she definitely knows the bite is not the main attack, I still have a hard time believing she would swing her head *into* the attack. She could still see what Mab was up to by swinging her head away and rising, thereby reducing the damage to her face. DAMAGE: 4/5 -1 I think she takes good damage here, but after she makes her counter, the muscle she pulls in the snow seems to pain her more than the blow dealt to her by Mab. Strong to fire or not, this still seems a bit backward. TIMING: 4/5 She would need to move her head into Mab and lift her forehand up simultaneously, though you describe it that she does one and then the other. CREATIVITY BONUS: +0 SAPHIRA
Defense 2REALISM: 5/5 DAMAGE: 5/5 TIMING: 4/5 Good for the most part, but I can't figure out which leg is injured on Saphira. I know the first attack was made to her left fore, because Mab said so. But you don't say what side of Mab you attack in the counter, so I'm not sure what leg gets strained there, and then you don't specify which side is facing Mab during her second attack. A simple left/right here would help me picture this better. CREATIVITY BONUS: +0 SAPHIRA
Attack 1REALISM: 5/5 POWER: 3/5 Because Mab is moving forward unhindered, and Saphira has to catch up to her on an injured leg without the advantage of melting the snow around her, I think a lot of power is lost. Mab is moving away when the blow lands and Saphira is following through in the same direction TIMING: 3/5 She moves too quickly for me here. To pivot around, lurch forward, and catch up with Mab before she has a chance to move a couple paces away and kick back seems unlikely to me, especially given the uncertain footing. CREATIVITY BONUS: +0 SAPHIRA
Attack 2REALISM: 2/5 -1 The tarsus joint is actually in front of the hock, facing forward. For Saphira to hit it from behind would be impossible. Or do you mean she strikes backward with her hooves? I find this unlikely as well. -1 In order to stop and execute this attack, Saphira would be giving Mab too much time to get away - she wouldn't be able to strike out fast enough to hit Mab -1 Hitting this target while they are both in motion, even with use of Combo, is going to be tricky and could even cause Saphira more damage when she connects POWER: 3/5 I don't think she could gather a lot of power here before attacking, especially with one injured foreleg TIMING: 5/5 No qualms. CREATIVITY BONUS: +0 MAB
Defense 1REALISM: 5/5 DAMAGE: 4/5 -1 Mab is weak to Saphira's water, even if Saphira has lightning. I see barely any mention here of her water being a factor. Otherwise, damage here was taken quite appropriately TIMING: 5/5 CREATIVITY BONUS: +0 MAB
Defense 2REALISM: 3/5 -1 Wait - Mab just took heavy damage to her ribs and some damage to her knee, though she is springing to the side and double barrel kicking to counter? -1 She also does this funky twist thing in mid-air, which would definitely exasperate the rib injury. DAMAGE: 5/5 TIMING: 5/5 No qualms. CREATIVITY BONUS: +1 I really like how clear your description is through all this. You have a great sense of physics during this sequence. MAB
Subtotal: 54/60Elemental Score: -1 For ignoring the effects of Saphira's water against your fire Bonus Points: 2 +1 I really like the way Mab uses her element to her advantage in the snow. +1 You also have an incredibly powerful writing style that is easy and clear to follow. Penalties: -2 You do not mention Saphira's water element at all in your attacks, and barely in your defenses. If you're weak to an element, it should always be on Mab's mind. I removed 2 points here, 1 for each attack that it did not affect you. The other points are removed within their respective damage sections, if necessary. FINAL SCORE: 53/60 SAPHIRA
Subtotal: 47/60Elemental Score: 1 for being strong to Mab's fire. I think you could have played this more to your advantage though. Bonus Points: 1 For appropriately playing out Saphira's strength to Mab, without seeming overbearing. Just don't forget your injuries as the fight goes, even if they are more minor! Penalties: -0 I already removed points for this so I'll just reiterate - I'm never quite sure where Saphira is attacking from or what legs/parts are injured. Throw in a left/right/near/far and make sure I always know exactly where Saphira is. FINAL SCORE: 49/60 By my judgment, MAB is the winner!
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