The Academy: Prison gates won't open up for me [PART I]

All because of you,
I haven't slept in so long;
When I do I dream,
Of drowning in the ocean,
Longing for the shore,
Where I can lay my head down;
I'll follow your voice,
All you have to do is shout it out!

Way back when. Three words I tended to use when I was pondering the events of my past life; the issues that had blanketed my face and cloaked my sight, though, was the fact that I had only pieces of my memories. I remembered the hatred, the betrayal- and yet, at the same time, the feeling of my mother's caress, the soothing monotone of the entire herd grazing and talking... That was all. Memories that I would always hold dear to me, whether or not they brought misery or fear. Perhaps they had the potential to invoke depression, sorrow, self-hatred within me, planting painful seeds inside my chest. Yet, there was something within me that held firm, a feeling, a thought, that commanded my resistance, helped me keep sane. Remember your happiness!

Happiness? What is happiness? possibly one of the most heartwrenching thoughts I had summoned up from the many swirling inside my mind that week. Delilah had always told me to relax; relieve myself of the tension, allow the stress, the weight upon my shoulders, to fall. But Delilah wasn't there for me any longer, and I was alone. Alone. I had been just this for so many times in my life that I hadn't the strength of mind to elaborate just how horrid it was.

My blue roan figure stood out among the pastel floral fields, remaining still as an earthen statue, inked black pools gazing out at nothing but the Academy's world. It was a separate country, continent, planet, here in the Scholars' private grounds. It was here that I had been taught by my incessantly crazy teacher Kalleis; and yet, her fine understanding of my weaknesses and fears allowed her to sculpt out a minor objective. I completed it with flying colours; my fear of being near foals (for the possibility of harming them) was cured, and I was a teacher myself.

Skylar. I had a fondness for the awkward child; her pale body and the intimate way with which she spoke to everyone, the conviction in how she did her assigned tasks. I prayed the mare would find herself at peace again with Nicodemus; I had met the Seer myself, and he seemed every bit a loyal creature. Perhaps the two had been so stricken with grief that their falling out created a barrier between them; but now that Skylar's mother was put to rest at last, I hoped, finally, Skylar could get what she had told me she wished for most: her father's love.

I want love too, Skylar. But for me, it shall never come.

A heavy intake of breath allowed me to gather up the knot of stress within my stomach, and closing my eyes, I exhaled, helping the pain a touch. I swivelled my pinions to the sides, waiting. For what? I do not know anymore. Many should recall how I speak of fate- it is my maker, and it shall be my undoer. And I have no purpose, and it seems I never have had one. Kaspara. Arnleif. Skylar. Avaene. Lycoris. Zesab and Ezigaa. Caiomhe. Isreal. Corpus... I hope you all get to your destinations in life, whatever they may be.

For I would not go there with them. I was empty; a piece of nothing within the belly of the Element. My love had rejected me, borne the son of another stallion, and I had no past, for it was lost to me. I had been exiled; this much I knew. How could I go on living knowing that I had done something to get me banished?

A stray thought, or so I had believed, wormed its way into my head. Because you are a Seer.

All because of you,
I believe in angels,
Not the kind with wings;
No, not the kind with halos,
The kind that bring you home,
When home becomes a strange place;
I'll follow your voice,
All you have to do is shout it out!

EARTH III
W O L F
AMBASSADOR